How many of us feel like they might have depression or may have already been diagnosed with it? Do you feel like the world around you doesn't understand you? You feel like you have to put a smile on your face so you won't be harshly judged by others. Behind that smile is a flood of tears that you are fighting with all of your might to hold back before they expose and betray your true feelings.
Here is one soul's perspective of what is truly hiding behind that tear stained smile.
"There's always a war going on inside my head. Am I good enough or not? A little voice at the back of my mind telling me that I can't take more of this. I wish that it all could end.
I fight on a daily basis through therapy, taking meds, and natural supplements just trying to push myself out of the funk.
Because of the stigma of mental health and people writing off certain issues, I feel like I can't be taken seriously. If I'm taken seriously, I'm something that needs to be fixed quickly so I won't become a statistic. No one seems to see that it's a long process to recover from depression. People assume to quickly, too easily, that I probably won't recover from it. I find myself constantly bracing for that moment when people give up on me because I'm just taking too long to heal.
I constantly have this inner fight going on of berating myself about why am I not a better person. I often try to overachieve to the point of burn out. I then become hopeless about myself and abilities. Once I start on that downward spiral I push people away because I feel like no one wants me at my worst anyway. I don't want them to see me that way.
I'm afraid of succeeding or feeling genuinely happy because it will just be ripped away from me. I'll be so high up, the pain of coming down will be too much to bear. I'll loose my war, the one inside my head.
I feel like my thoughts are too dark and too deep for people to handle or relate too. I put on a super happy facade to cover up what's going on inside. I know people are scared of the monsters under the bed and what's inside people's heads. When I do try to express myself, it often gets blanketed over with pats on my head. There are replies such as, "Things will be okay", or, "I need to pray more or see a counselor." I think, "well duh! Why didn't I think of that? Oh wait, I have already been there and done that. Would you like to see my participation trophy from it all or would a certificate of completion suffice?"
Through this I learn that this journey is better left to be kept to myself.
There are those who fight for a normal life and don't want pity. They want so badly to feel normal and be okay. They try their best to fit in. They want the pain in their chest to stop. They want the acne to disappear, go away and leave them alone. They want the thoughts of worthlessness to desist. The band-aid treatments like certain kind words and gestures to be put back in their box and placed on the shelf.
We feel like we are Atlas with the world on our shoulders and we can't shove it off no matter how hard we try. People think there's a switch to turn it off. Most of us come to find out that there is none. We are forced to find a way to love the ugly part of ourselves that hurts us so much so that it doesn't completely consume us.
The craziest part is, the one's who are the quickest and harshest critics are the one's that are most likely suffering from the exact same thing. The only difference is...they don't have the courage to face their own demons yet like I do."
One of the first and most important steps in healing from depression is finding your voice. If you or someone you know can relate to these words spoken above please share this to help voices be heard. The worst thing that we can feel is that we are suffering in silence. If we, through sharing articles and thoughts like this, come to the realization that we are not alone then we start to gain hope that we are understood and can be supported. After sharing, take those next steps of learning more about depression.
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